Bitcoin's Monday Bloodbath: What Happened and Why I'm Not Surprised

Crypto's "AI Pivot": Desperate Spin or Genius Move?

Alright, so here we are again. Another Monday, another crypto bloodbath. Bitcoin dips, altcoins get slaughtered, the usual song and dance. But this time, we're being told it's all okay because… AI? Seriously?

The "Fundamentals" Play

Tom Lee, bless his heart, is still out there peddling the $200k Bitcoin dream. Says "fundamentals are leading prices." Right. That's like saying the Titanic had a slight steering issue. I mean, the guy's Bitmine Immersion is down 7.5%. Maybe he needs a little immersion in reality.

And what are these "fundamentals," exactly? Oh, that's right, AI.

Bernstein, of all firms, is pushing this narrative that Bitcoin miners are now integral to the AI value chain. Apparently, all those warehouses full of power-hungry ASICs are suddenly AI data centers in disguise. It's a pivot, they say. A genius pivot! CORZ, RIOT and CLSK Earn PT Hikes at Bernstein

Give me a break.

They've even abandoned their discounted cash flow (DCF) methodology – you know, the one that actually tries to, like, value things based on future cash flows? – for a "sum-of-parts valuation." Which basically means they're making stuff up. "Potential value of power sites earmarked for AI data centers – using a conservative $3 million per megawatt (MW) multiple." Conservative? Is that what we're calling wild-ass guesses these days?

Repo Madness and the Fed's "Help"

And then there's the Fed, injecting $29.4 billion into the banking system like some kind of financial defibrillator. Apparently, this is good for Bitcoin because… it eases liquidity concerns? So, the theory is, when banks have more cash, they're more likely to YOLO it into magic internet money? I dunno.

They're calling it a "short-term liquidity tool" and not QE. Offcourse not. Because if they called it QE, people might realize the whole system is built on printing money out of thin air.

Andy Constan on X (formerly Twitter, whatever) says it'll "all work itself out fine." But what if it doesn't? Then what?

The "AI" Hype Train

Look, I get it. Everyone's chasing the AI hype. It's the new shiny object. But let's be real: these Bitcoin miners are scrambling for relevance. They built their empires on the promise of easy money, and now that the gravy train is slowing down, they're desperately trying to hitch a ride on the next big thing.

Core Scientific, Riot Platforms, CleanSpark… they're all getting price target hikes because of this "AI potential." Shareholders rejected the CoreWeave deal, so now they're hinting at a "new partnership." Translation: "We need a story to keep the stock price from cratering."

IREN, meanwhile, is up 21% on news of an AI cloud deal with Microsoft. Good for them, I guess. But does anyone actually know what that deal entails? Or is it just another press release designed to pump and dump?

I mean, are we really supposed to believe that these companies, who spent years optimizing for Bitcoin mining, can just magically transform themselves into AI powerhouses? Maybe I'm missing something...

A Pig in Lipstick?

So, is this "AI pivot" a stroke of genius, or just a desperate attempt to stay afloat? Honestly, it feels more like the latter. They're dressing up a pig in lipstick and trying to sell it as the next big thing. And sadly, some people will probably buy it.

But me? I'm not buying it.

The Emperor Has No Clothes